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What’s up, Tech Squad? Apple wants you drooling over a 5.5mm-thin iPhone, Tesla thinks 0-100 in 3.5 seconds will distract you from a 42% sales slump, and TikTok’s sliding into your DMs with voice memos. Today’s tech headlines move faster than a Model Y Performance on an empty autobahn.

The Key to a $1.3 Trillion Opportunity

A new real estate trend called co-ownership is revolutionizing a $1.3T market. Leading it? Pacaso. Created by the founder behind a $120M prior exit, they already have $110M+ in gross profits to date. They even reserved the Nasdaq ticker PCSO. And you can invest until September 18.

Invest While You Still Can

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Tesla Launches Hotter Model Y Performance in Europe (Just as Sales Crash)

Tesla’s European adventure just got a turbo boost: the Model Y Performance, landing this September, is a flashy attempt to reverse plummeting sales and outshine the wave of Chinese EVs eating Elon’s lunch. But can a faster car fix all that brand baggage?

• Speed demon: 0-100 km/h in 3.5 seconds, up from 4.8 on the regular Model Y.

• Range & power: 580 km WLTP (360 miles), 460 hp, and new high-density batteries delivering 151 miles in just 15 minutes of charging.

• Design tweaks: Carbon-fiber spoiler, new bumpers, and big 21-inch wheels for extra flex.

• Interior upgrades: Bigger 16" touchscreen, Plaid-inspired badging, and adaptive damping for smoother rides.

But here’s the real drama: Tesla sales in Europe dropped 42% in July, while Chinese rival BYD soared 225%. Meanwhile, Elon Musk’s political antics aren’t exactly winning over European customers, and Full Self-Driving isn’t even street legal here. The Model Y Performance will start at €62,000 in Germany, but will speed and style be enough to save Tesla’s European road trip?

VIDEO: The Secret to Making ChatGPT Not Suck

Apple’s “Awe dropping” event: Thinner iPhones, smarter AirPods, and watches that text from the wilderness

Apple’s about to make headlines again, with its September 9th “Awe dropping” event promising more than just a fresh coat of paint for the iPhone. This year, Cupertino’s bringing out the big guns (and the thin ones).

• iPhone 17 Pro & Pro Max: Say hello to beefy camera bars, Google Pixel vibes, and a trio of 48MP sensors. Add in a 24MP selfie cam, a new A19 Pro chip, 12GB RAM, and maybe a lighter aluminum chassis - plus a possible thicker Max for even more battery. Colors? Silver, black, navy, and orange.

• iPhone 17 Air: Apple goes on a diet - rumored at just 5.5mm thin with a 6.6-inch display, ProMotion, and Dynamic Island. One 48MP camera, no SIM slot, and a price near $900. Battery life supposedly matches “current iPhones.”

• Base iPhone 17: Bigger 6.3-inch ProMotion screen, A19 chip, no Plus model this year. It’ll come in pink, green, blue, white, and black.

• Apple Watch Ultra 3: Satellite texting, bigger screen, 5G RedCap, blood pressure warnings, and…not much else.

• AirPods Pro 3: Heart rate monitoring, new H3 chip, and a sleeker case.

Bonus round: Keep an eye out for rumors of a new Vision Pro, M5 iPad Pro, and a smarter “LLM Siri” (maybe powered by OpenAI or Google).

Apple’s pulling out all the stops this year—except for the headphone jack. That’s never coming back.

The Dish Wireless Dream Is Officially Dead (and AT&T Just Got Richer)

Pour one out for Dish Network’s wireless ambitions. After years of half-hearted regulatory theater, EchoStar is selling $23 billion worth of precious spectrum to AT&T -waving goodbye to any pretense that Dish could be America’s fourth wireless carrier.

• The root of the mess: Regulators let T-Mobile merge with Sprint in 2020, promising Dish as a “new competitor.” Spoiler: it never worked.

• The playbook: Dish cobbled together Boost Mobile, spectrum, and a Frankenstein 5G network that never really took off (unless you count coverage maps held together with wishful thinking).

• The outcome: Layoffs, rising wireless bills, and less innovation - just as unions and economists predicted.

• The real winners: AT&T, now sitting on even more valuable airwaves, and EchoStar, whose stock soared 70% after the deal.

Dish still has $30 billion in spectrum assets left to sell, but let’s be honest: “wireless disruptor” is off the menu. The lesson? Telecom consolidation always seems to end with higher prices, fewer jobs, and a lot of finger-pointing.

TikTok Upgrades DMs: Now With Voice Notes and Image Sharing

TikTok just rolled out a fresh set of DM features, because why should Instagram and Snapchat have all the fun? Over the next few weeks, users 16 and older can send voice messages and images through TikTok DMs, making the app a little more social and a little less just-for-scrolling.

• Voice memos: Hold the mic, speak your truth, and let go - just be careful, letting go sends it instantly (drag up or left to cancel!).

• Image sharing: Snap and share up to nine images at a time (ditto for videos).

• One-minute max: Voice and video messages are capped at 60 seconds, so keep it snappy.

• Teens only: Only accounts 16+ can use DMs and these new features, per TikTok’s policy.

With every app hustling to become your digital hangout, TikTok’s move feels inevitable - and makes sliding into someone’s DMs way more interesting (or dangerous, depending on how clumsy your thumbs are).

QUICK BITS

• Verizon outage: A nationwide “software issue” knocked many customers offline on Aug 30; phones showed SOS mode while reports spiked on DownDetector.

• Nvidia’s customer concentration: An SEC filing shows two direct customers made up 39% of Nvidia’s Q2 revenue - 23% and 16%, respectively.

• WhatsApp zero-click spyware fix: Meta patched an iOS/macOS WhatsApp flaw exploited in a targeted campaign (fewer than 200 users), following Apple’s related fix last week. Update if you haven’t.

• Threads tests long-form posts: Meta is piloting “text attachments” so creators can share longer, formatted updates without chaining posts.